As you can see, I've deleted all of my past postings. I did this because I am beginning a new chapter in my life, and I want it to be as fresh of a start as possible. The only downside to this is that I'm going to have to go into detail about my past from time to time, just so everything I type can make sense.
I'm moving to Vancouver, Washington in two days, and I'm feeling excited and sad and scared as one mixed emotion that makes my brain want to explode. I'm leaving behind some really special people in my life, friends that took me a long time to make because of my, well, Amberness. I've been staying with my sister in her apartment for the last week because we sold our house and are officially homeless. My parents have already headed up to Washington and are staying in a long-stay hotel.
Riley -- my most wonderful friend and also my biggest bully -- and I spent the entire day together, and all of yesterday. We're just trying to hang out as much as possible before we won't be able to hang out for months. I came up with the idea to have our last cigarettes ever, the last time her and I will take our contraband and do illegal stuff with it. (WE'RE ONLY 18 SO CIGARETTES ARE STILL A NO-NO FOR US). We called up one of my closest friends and invited him to join us, knowing that this was the last time I would be able to see him for months.
We went to a park, well parking lot. The plan was to go into the park and swing on the swings and slide down the slide, but the park was completely fenced off, and there was no way I could climb over it. I tried though, and failed, and now have cuts from the fence wire all over my body. So we sat in the parking lot and smoked in almost complete silence, because even though the idea of the last cigarette ever was awesome, the act itself was just kind of depressing. I couldn't believe that this was the end of our dynasty. And I sat and inhaled my cancer stick, and thought about how much I just wanted to take Jony aside and tell him about how I feel about him. It's too complicated though, because Jony is a dude and as long as I can remember I've only really been attracted to girls, but there's just something special about that boy that I can't get over.
After we stomped on our cigarettes, they drove me back to Salt Lake. I was holding in tears and screams the entire ride, wanting to let them know everything I have hidden from them, but I couldn't. The thoughts were much safer in my head. They hugged me good-bye, and I still didn't show how much I wanted to cry.
